Despite it being in the 21st Century and digital record keeping on a computer being a thing people use for stuff, gym contracts still seem to operate in the year 1982.
10 pages long, written on that weird yellow paper, and signed in 7 places that may or may not give the gym permission to seize your car and assets if you die in the sauna.
And despite you coming in on a Tuesday in the middle of the month to check out the facility, the membership guy swears up and down they are having a special, and the price will NEVER be this low again, and if he signs up today you’ll get some free training with a 19 year old trainer, and maybe even a tshirt!
Or on the off chance the gym actually has a functional computer sign-up system, you get rushed through 20 different screens that you initial over and over again, before being emailed a contract that somehow never appears in your email.
Either or, it always happens that your contract charges you WAY more than you signed up for, you cant cancel, and somehow you agreed to training, tanning, a personal trainer, and have to pay a yearly “upgrade fee” that you were never told about. And that $39.99 membership is only good for “sport facilities”, and it will be $20 to work out at the “Super-Sport” 3 miles up the highway.
Which you weren’t told about of course.
Oh, and that “Cancel Anytime” clause you were told about? Its only applicable after you’ve been a member for 1 year. And there will be a cancelation fee as well.
What to do to get out of your gym contract then? No worries, we’ve got 12 direct and effective solutions to never be on the hook for membership dues again!
- Walk into your Gym with a Boner – that’ll be the last time you ever walk in there.
- Take a huge Sh*t in the toilet. Then proceed to Clog it up with more Shi*t and Toilet paper all whilst you keep flushing till flooding ensues.
- Check every Women out in the gym. To the point that you are staring at them. I mean every female, No matter what Age.
- Drink a lot of water the prior day and in the moring, hit the Sauna’s before you workout and make sure you get very sweaty. Then proceed to the workout machines and leave your sweat on all machines.
- Grunt, Yell and Swear while doing every Exercise. This will ensure total disruption in the gym.
- Rack up all the weights on the Bench Press so its at its heaviest then don’t use it and walk away. Every gym goer will complain about you to the Staff.
- Do the exact same thing with every barbell ^^
- Do your Squats in the bench area, every day until people have complained enough.
- Mix up all the weights and scattered them throughout the gym.
- Remove/Switch around the Stickers on the Weights themselves. Put the 10kg sticker on the 30kg dumbell and so forth and so on.
- Wipe your nasty Sweat on every mirror in the Gym, including the Zumba mirrors. Never forget those.
- If all else fails, Slap the owner with your c*ck.
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