Dr. Oz says eat this berry, so you better fucking eat it. Cuz magic.
The Great and Powerful Oz knows all. You can trust him because he’s on TV and it says he’s a “Dr.” right there in the name of the show.
Doctors are the best source of nutrition advice because diet books with “Dr.” on the title own the bestseller list. So stop contemplating your wheat belly with your grain brain, do 17 day’s worth of intermittent gluten, and follow this flat belly prescription:
Never eat sugar again.
Dr. Mark Hyman says sugar is eight times more addictive than cocaine, and every time you eat it the neurons start blasting away like scatter guns at a hillbilly BBQ. Stop 4th of Julying those poor synapses and follow a zero-carb diet. Otherwise, you’ll be turning tricks for Twix in no time. You can trust Mark. He’s a doctor.
Where you can’t trust doctors is if you have a medical condition. They are probably just going to be pushing pills from the pharmaceutical industrial complex on you. “Curing” and “treating” the host of maladies known to man is what they’ve been educated in, but medical education is all a corrupt system rife with kickbacks from Viagra to Vioxx, and antibiotics to Adderall.
See, the reason why physicians are the best choices for your nutritional needs boil down to two things: lack of education and having very little time. It sounds counterintuitive, and that’s what makes it awesome, because going counter to convention means it must be right.
Doctors get barely any training in nutrition during either medical school or residency. Over several years it’s a handful of hours in total. There is no nutrition exam to study for and they can skip every lecture and get every question wrong about nutrition and still graduate as a physician.
And that’s a good thing, because it means they haven’t been corrupted by The Man. This utter lack of professional nutrition education means they’re able to seek out the truth about fat loss instead of mindlessly believing the outdated big gubmint rhetoric about what “science” says you should eat.
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Less is more. A doctor’s nutritional knowledge is like homeopathy, where diluting it down to almost nothing makes it more powerful.
There is also the reality that a doctor only has a few minutes with each patient to discuss nutrition, which is all the time they need to tell you about the one weird trick. Cookie cutter diet plans work for everyone, and if you can’t learn it in five minutes then it isn’t worth knowing.
Want to lose weight. The only advice you need is: “Eat less, move more.” That’s all it takes. If you think sustainable lifestyle change that leads to long-term weight loss requires more knowledge than a simple sound bite, then you just don’t want it bad enough.
The one thing you don’t want to do is get your dietary advice from someone who spent any time studying it, because they’ve all been secretly programmed by Coke to push French fries because the salt makes you drink more Coke.
We all share more than 99% similar DNA, and that means the same diet works for everyone. But not to hear those elitist “registered dietitians” tell it. They actually want to spend time learning about you and your habits and your health history. They want to know about things like goals and if there are any specific medical conditions that their nutritional wizardry can treat. They say there is a different diet based on a desire to lose weight than the diet for sports performance or what to eat if you have type 2 diabetes or heart disease.
They’ll use fear mongering too, like warning about the dangers of obsessing over your food intake and going on highly restrictive diets because you might get an “eating disorder.” The reality is that the thing to fear is gluten. It’s everywhere, and it’s worse than Ebola, global warming, and the high school bully combined.
How many of those science-based diet books written by dietitians are worth reading? Damn few, and that’s because, just like with anthropogenic climate change, what 97% of scientists say about nutrition is bullshit; they’ve all be paid off by Big Grain and Big Sugar to feed your addictions.
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That Dr. Grain Brain guy said, “Gluten is this generation’s tobacco.” Conversely, dietitians will tell you gluten is just fine as long as you’re not a member of the small percentage of people with celiac disease. They tell you this falsehood because they want you to die. That’s why they’re called DIEtitians.
The local bookstore gives power to the people, who are smart enough to know that if a diet book wasn’t written by a doctor and doesn’t spread fear of an ingredient or macronutrient while promising targeted improvement in a specific body part, then it’s going to be full of crap.
You should always seek nutrition advice from your doctor, unless the advice they give you is to go see a registered dietitian, because then you know they’re in on the scam.
This article is Part 1 of a 2 part series. The second article can be seen at our sister website IIFYM.com
Click here to view the other (less satirical) article: Physician Nutirtion – Why Your Family Doctor Isn’t a Great Choice for Nutrition Advice